The Misadventures of BPG: Nontraditional College Student #2

I'm usually a positive person and I always will be but today, I'm taking sick leave from the glittery unicorn fart I apparently live on.  First, school was delayed for Lilli so I had to make other child delivery arrangements. Then I lost my wedding rings.....because those aren't like my organs or anything. Then my van was invaded by piss ants.....teeny tiny smell-funny-when-ya-squish-em piss ants....which made their way to my book bag.....and then made their way to me....and then to my desk in English....and my comrade to my right in English. That was at 9:25am. I'm still finding them on me.....everywhere. Then some toddler almost knocked me down the steps at school.....because that color coordinated tie and shirt made him all too important to say "Excuse me, ma'am. I didn't see your incredibly HUGE butt STANDING RIGHT BESIDE ME. Is that an Army issue duffle bag? My bad! That's your book bag with your many books you must drag around. Sorry I ran over you!" Then I almost strangled 6 of the history 2112 boy toddlers because they don't ever shut up during lecture time. Have some respect, punks! Then I bit a girl toddler's head off in the bathroom for passing in line. Last time I checked age came WELL before beauty and first came before next. The next time I get passed in the toilet line I will hike my leg on said passer's books. Don't. Push. Me. However, after my rant in the Lorberbaum  ladies' room, I doubt anyone will walk in front of me again. Then I ate a salad that made me sick. I see how you freaks lost weight after your gall bladders were yanked out... Then a tree was down on the power line across the street, but thankfully, our power was still on. Then there was a car accident and to be a good Samaritan I called 911 because the crazy Mexican involved was literally freaking out about his wife. Then I left the crickets for Sandy the gecko at home and was late getting to my MK lady for my brow pencil and concealor. Now my face is numb I am so dang frazzled. I'm going to sleep. Don't bother me unless you're bleeding or on fire. Just pray no one suffers my wrath because I am a ticking time bomb. (I promise to be all smiles upon waking.)

Comments

Popular Posts