Saturday, December 31, 2011

Crosby: Short for Bing #4 (And praise God, the LAST....until next year)

   What the heck was I thinking when I brought this dang elf home from my beloved Books A Million?! Dear God, next time, I promise to listen to You when You say, "You're in over your head, Griffin."
   Oh, how I love bedtime around here. Our house is warm and inviting, comfy and cozy, and fifty years worth of love lives in the walls. I snuggle into my big king size sleigh-bed with the love of my life nuzzled next to me, that cheap Wal-Mart ceiling fan blowing a light breeze and buzzing softly overhead, the glow of the Netflix shining on my cherub, MAC-less cheeks. My body has settled and with a smile on my face I begin to nod off......


  May the cussing ensue. "BUMPASSES!!! SONSA.....!!!!" Yes, this is usually how this works. Once again, I'm not perfect and I do, as adorable as I may seem at times, get REALLY irritated in any given irritating situation. I roll out of my bed, and quickly (if not dumbly) fumble for an idea for that darn elf. I will say this much: I am SO glad we didn't get that thing until December 11. Oh, and I was SO excited about it, too. Why didn't you people say something to me?! Not that it would've mattered; I was clearly on a Christmas mission....that lacked planning.....and thought.
   Not only did I forget to get Crosby into certain compromising positions, but I also forgot to take pictures. I used my phone for a few, but some I didn't even get on film. Dang it.
   After Crosby took over Lil's room and nativity set, he also took over Barbie's hot pink VW Bug. It was fabulous. Lilli found Crosby joyriding through the kitchen with Lilli's new Christmas Barbie that Mimi had purchased for her. (No, not the collector's Christmas Barbie. Really? Would one even ask me that?) Miss Lilli found this to be absolutely riotous. He then moved on to one of our Christmas angel ornaments on the tree. Lilli found Mr. Crosby hugged up to her, his arms around her glittery and winged body, hoping to steal a kiss, I presume.
   The next morning, Lilli awoke to find Crosby in the same position as before: still in the arms of that angel. She was very disapointed, and I went from Mom of the Year to Dud of the Year in .2 seconds flat. What did I do to redeem myself? I shoved him under a Mason Jar.
   What an 80s baby I am. All I could think of was Anthony Michael Hall trapped under that glass table in Sixteen Candles. His nerdy braces shining under the beer cans and pretzels; then I heard that horrible girly scream in my head. Perfect. I would now scar my child the way Mr. Hall did me. I realized this all too late when she came be-bopping down the hall, skipping to her own soundtrack she composes as the days go on.
   "MOM!!!! Look at Crosby!!! He's STUCK!" She laughed with glee. My glass table fear from moments before was eased. Yeah, it was a cute idea.
   On Crosby's last night, Christmas Eve, we entered Lilli's playroom that afternoon and wouldn't ya know it: that little booger had every stuffed animal that wanted to listen to him in the floor, whilst he sat perched in the Disney Princess Rocking chair reading none other than, you guessed it, The Night Before Christmas
  Even though keeping up with this little devil has, at times, been a pain, I enjoyed every minute of it. Seeing Lilli's smiling face and that special Christmas light that only children possess made every middle of the night fiasco worth it. Here's to next year with ole Crosby.....I hope I have more ideas by then..... 


Thursday, December 29, 2011

Your Questions Answered

   I have received endless questioning about the How I Met Your Daddy posts. It's very strange (and fulfilling) that most of my audience consists of the male species. My hat is off to you, guys. I'm impressed! I'm also very happy that I'm connecting with more than just teenage girls; my goal is not to be a Stephenie Meyer but a Brandi Griffin. Many others have been asking about the series as well and I'm writing this post to answer your questions.Here's what I've gotten so far:

1. Where is How I Met Your Daddy? It disappeared!
     How I Met Your Daddy has been removed from the Dawnville Dollar Days blog and posted on a private blog. I have a select number of readers, only 5-7, who are serving as my audience for now. These are people I trust; they read it for what it is, knowing full well I have a long way to go. They also serve as a sounding board: usually the chapter(s) I'm not happy with is the one they love the most. Their feedback is HUGE! They are a range of sex, age, and background, super close friends, distant friends, and of course, family.

2. Why did you remove it?
     I removed the series due to copyright reasons, for one. This story is my art, my work, and my heart. When someone felt the need to plagiarize it, I felt the need to protect it. This was one of God's many little hints that it was going to be more than just a bunch of blog posts. I feel God moving me in the direction of publication with How I Met Your Daddy, therefore, I must keep my readers to a select few and exercise my rights as an artist. Even though it's all true, people are ruthless and will steal for their own glory. However, this story won't be used for anyone's glory but God's. Therefore, it's my job to protect it.

3. Are you going to finish it? 
    YES! It is a work in progress and I'm incredibly emotionally and spiritually attached to it. Therefore, it's taking longer for me to write it. It can take me an entire day to finish one chapter, or it can take me weeks, sometimes a couple of months. Besides this, I'm a full time college student now. I don't have as much time to write as I did before. However, the way my Spring semester is set up, I'm hoping I'll have just a little bit of leeway with writing it. It will be finished, and when it is, you all will be the first to know about it. I still have a long way to go: LOTS of proofreading and tweaking will be done to it. I'm also adding details that I didn't mention because I simply forgot or, as with any piece of work, because this is only the rough draft. The title will also be changed. As of right now, I am on Chapter 26.

4. Did you set out with plans for this to become a book? 
    No, I did not. Some people said they enjoyed reading what I wrote, that maybe I should try a blog. So I did. Those same people, and more, were always asking how I met Jordan. I set out to write a blog post about it one day and the rest is history. God takes us on some wild rides, and due to this one in particular, I'm learning more and more about what He wants for my life. Yes, writing is part of it....

5. When will we be able to read How I Met Your Daddy again? 
    How I Met Your Daddy will be available for you to read when it's published and it becomes a book. Until then, stay tuned to the blog for Nontraditional College Student posts, and of course, Dawnville Dollar Happenings posts. This is why I encourage you to become "followers" of the blog: so you're not out of the loop with the book and you're not out of the loop with every other post. 

   I hope this answers your questions; these are the ones I've been asked so far. If you have more, feel free to ask me and I'll do my dead level best to answer them. Keep me in your prayers in the meantime. God is showing me some great things right now and I have some special projects I'm working on. It's enough to say that I will not be a one book, or one type of book, woman. Jordan and I are excited to see what God has in store for us; we're excited to see where all of this will take us in our ministry for Him. And we can't WAIT to share it with you guys!!! Stay tuned....

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

The BIG 3-0....May God help me....

   Tomorrow, December 28, 2011, I will be 30 years old. This is it: the last night of my twenties. It's weird. I thought it would be I'd grow sparkly wings or something. Okay, seriously, I didn't think I'd grow wings or any other extra appendages, but I did figure something amazing would happen....a revelation, a moment of poignancy that would change me as a person, a glow....a ding!.....something.....ANYTHING???
   Waiting. Waiting...............Waaaaaiiiiting..........
    TA-DA! It hit. But not the way I thought it would.
    I took my grandmother to her primary care doctor today; on the way to pick her up from my parents' house, I realized that tomorrow is my birthday. It's already here. That was fast.
   I asked for all of this Harry Potter stuff and that was pretty much it. (And some MAC, but that goes without saying.) I mentioned a birthday party, but I don't know what purpose that would serve if it's not someone else's idea, so I shoved that aside. In the end, I just told Jordy, "Time with my family is what will make me happy. Just give me that and I'm good to go." And I meant every word. And I think that's all I really meant by the term "party" anyway. But this is the the "big one," isn't it? The Year of the Dirty Thirty, as my friend Natima calls it. The Beginning of the End, as Keri Leigh calls it. Shouldn't I be celebrating HUGE? Shouldn't we all just drop what we're doing for moi's special day? Um,, Bran. We shouldn't. But.....why not?
   This is where, how, and when it all hit: This day, this week, this month, this year, this life, is not about me. It's about God. It's about what He's done through me and to me over the past 30 years. It's about His glory, His power, and His life for me.
   There's my revelation. There's my moment of poignancy. There's my glow. Ding!
   I have been through some crazy ups and some freaky downs. I've learned so much in 30 years, however, it's not a drop in the bucket compared to what God is continuing to reveal to me even in this very moment. And I hopefully have a good 30x3 more in my bucket of goodies from my ever giving and blessing Father. In just a couple of minutes I was able to compile a list of "learns,"  "aha's,"  "Momma told me so's,"  and  "oh, craps." And in just a couple of minutes I realized that my Big 3-0 birthday was going to be the best birthday ever, regardless of recognition, regardless of presents, regardless of me.
   In no particular order, just how it came to me, is my it ever growing. Please bear in mind that I skip around through ages....I might've been 16 when one lesson was learned, I might've been 27 in the next, I might have been 4 in the next. Not everything mentioned happened directly to me; in some instances I was observing. Either way, I learned something. Go with it and maybe you can learn something, too. 

  1. Why lay in the sunbed for 20 minutes when one hasn't been all year long? FAIL. Why lay in the sunbed at all?
  2. Frogs will die if you throw them into the air repeatedly.......and catch them in a box.
  3. A cup on the edge of a table equals a slick, sticky floor.
  4. Breastfeeding is flippin' awesome!
  5. I won't be eating peanut butter the next time I get pregnant.
  6. Praying for God to remove my "feelings" from boyfriends long ago was a GREAT idea.......would've been       greater if I had listened to my heart when I grew bored of Mr. Wrongsky.
  7. Mascara on a 6th grader is a no-go unless she's in a dance recital.
  8. Never shave before going out to the ocean. Never shave when it snows. And most importantly, never shave before a pap-smear. The pelvic exam goes without saying.
  9.When you point to each other and in perfect harmony say, "HE/SHE did it" you're BOTH going down.
 10.NEVER put your hands on your butt when the paddle is headed toward it.
 11. PBR, the brother, and Jordan do NOT mix. Although, they do make for some great dating memories.
 12. The Chattahoochee by Alan Jackson is the best song in the world to play Name That Tune with!
 13. Giving birth hurts. A lot. In fact, it hurts worse than your mother could ever describe to you.
 14. I'd give birth again in a heartbeat.
 15. A disease or handicap NEVER defines a person. I now see this from a whole different perspective.
 16. Projectors, carpet and pew color, committees and business meetings do not a church body make.
 17. Jobs never last.
 18. God is always moving, but never changing. He's kinda REALLY awesome like that. Psalm 102:25-27
 19. Some people just aren't meant to live forever on this earth with me. I'm still learning to accept this one.
 20. Money doesn't buy happiness. Come to think of it, it doesn't buy class either. I learned this the hard way with my high expectations of some wealthier acquaintances. Just throwin' that out there. 
 21. Those who write, write. Those who don't will steal your crap so prioritize and privatize!
 22. The book is always better than the movie.
 23. Marriages don't seem to last as long as they once did: forever. So I look to my parents' and my in-laws' as examples of what a real marriage is all about. (30 years a piece and still going strong.)  Jo and I build on that and the blessings from our Father so that our marriage will last forever. Our faith remains in Him that gave us this precious gift. 
 24. (I'm saying this because I can, dang it.) Sex has got to be the BEST thing God EVER created for the husband and wife team. He was having an exceptional day when He came up with that idea. Thank You, Lord!
 25. Fried chicken is the next best thing.
 26. Turning 30 brings a whole new life to one who's rapidly approaching it. For instance, life without a gall bladder. Now I poop every time I eat something Southern and deep fried, dang it.
 27. Most people said my butt would start to fall after 25. They were wrong. I don't foresee them being proven correct, either. EVER. Everything else, however, is migrating south....for all seasons....forever.
 28.Plastic surgery on the face: just, no.
 29. Wanna make God giggle with pleasure? Tell Him all about the plans you have for your little life. I guarantee they don't match up with His. Jeremiah 29:11 "*I* know the plans *I* have for you." I think it's probably wise to just, ya know, go with that.
 30. It's so much easier to do what God says the first time.
 31. Being drunk is not as great as it looks on TV. (One time, people. ONE. TIME.)
 32. Saying goodbye can sometimes be good. Other times, it's too hard for words.
 33. Friends come and friends go, but best friends are forever.Proverbs 18:24
 34. My momma and daddy were ALWAYS right......about everyTHING, and everyONE.
 35. If you dream it, if you feel it in your heart, if you ask it, He'll make it happen. John 14:14
 36. Weed eating a ditch is more difficult than it looks.
 37. Fender benders scare the absolute crap outta me.
 38. Staying up late is no longer as easy as it was in the third grade. Neither is doing a cartwheel. If it's been 15 years since you've done a cartwheel, you probably shouldn't try it in your living room floor.
 39. Throwing up seafood is worse than throwing up anything else in the entire universe.
 40. Texting, Facebooking, Tweeting, and of course, emailing, are never good ways to tell someone off, end a relationship, or give your opinion.
 41. Don't talk about others, good or bad, in a small town. Your life will come to an abrupt halt.
 42. Fighting over a seat is never good.
 43. Telling off your boss is never good.
 44. Kissing a boy who uses tobacco products of any kind is never good.....even if he's a gentleman and digs it out of his jaw first.
 45. Running away to college to leave the place you know in your heart of hearts you love more than your own life will only make you want to return even more.
 46. Face your fears. They're not that big after all. 2nd Timothy 1:7
 47. Fat chicks do not want to hear, "Have you lost weight?" every stinkin' time you see them. They know they've put on some poundage; your reminder doesn't help them in their never ending search of a healthy body image.
 48. You can cheat on your diet, but you're really just cheating on yourself.
 49. Never fan the covers after your husband farts. It just spreads the "love" all around the room. 
 50. Allow your husband to be "the man" in the marriage no matter how big your personality is. Proverbs 25:24
 51. It may feel really good at the time, but being mean to someone who's been a real jerk to you won't make the situation any better. Just kill 'em with kindness, as my Granny Stella always said. Proverbs 25: 21-22
 52. Gay men make great friends....until you get on one's bad side. Always trust your Gaydar; if it walks like a gay man, if it talks all hours of the night with you on the phone like a gay man, if it's more stylish than you like a gay man, IF HE KISSES LIKE A GAY MAN, he probably wants to date your brother.
 53.Competition isn't worth the energy you waste trying to win. Move on. You're an adult now and even better, everyone's gifts are different.
 54. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again....if you screw it up the second time, don't quit your day job.
 55.Ya can't win 'em all, Bran. And you can't always be the best.
 56. Perfection I am not.
 57. Lack of perfection can never be an excuse to not do your best in your walk with Jesus. We walk on water WITH Him, not by ourselves.
 58. Don't trust computers.
 59. It's so flippin' cool to be a Star Wars, Indiana Jones, and Harry Potter nerd. It's so flippin' cool to be a book nerd. It's so flippin' cool to be a nerd.
 60. If you're gonna give your political opinions, be prepared to back them up....and know just how passionate the opposing side may be. In other words, for your MS' sake, just stay quiet before you hurt someone with your cane.
 61.Cartoons will never be as awesome as they were in the 80s.
 62. Buying a cane and having to use it isn't that bad. Fat Girl falling is more of a blow to my pride that pimpin' a grandma cane.
 63. Some dreams aren't meant to be, so God replaces our heart's desire with HIS heart's desire. The old dreams pass away and the new ones take flight. I guess I'm getting wings for my birthday after all.
 64. A return to college can be intimidating for the "nontraditional" woman.....until she realizes what God is doing through her and to her with such a leap.
 65. Getting straight A's feels incredible. And they look great on the fridge, too.
 66. Glitter makes everything pretty. Glitter makes everything happy. Glitter makes everything better. Glitter also makes non-crafty people feel crafty. Glitter: the herpes of craft supplies. The gift that keeps on giving.
 67. When the world is caving in around me, God never fails to swoop in, my own personal super hero, and save the day.
 68. Birth control pills are for the birds.
 69. I've given birth, therefore, I can conquer the world....and pleurisy....and MS....and Algebra.....and definitely any other ailment.
 70. Giving feels way better than receiving.
 71. Leading our sweet baby to Jesus was quite possibly the most humbling and trusting experience I've had these 30 years.
 72. Take pictures and record EVERYTHING in the life of your marriage and your child.
 73. I'm not good with death; I never have been. Last year, a friend of mine suffered a great loss, far beyond anything I could ever fathom going through myself. Through it, she taught me to just listen. Be there, listen, and most of all love.
 74. Death is painful, but can also be beautiful.
 75. There's always someone higher up. And yes, big bully boss man, there's a Someone higher than you, too.
 76. Having a brother made life more interesting than not. I discovered it's okay for Barbie to marry short man GI Joe, that kid brothers can not only eat dog food and survive, but fit into the dryer....with the door closed, that taking up for yourself results in a whipping for both parties, the floor beside your bed is made for late night brother-sister talks, and the bond shared between the two can never be broken.
 77. I am so blessed to make it to 30. MS and all.
 78. The relationship with the daddy makes all the difference. Moreover, the relationship with the Father makes the real difference.
 79. Church attendance doesn't make you a Christian.
 80. Being a Christian isn't a religion, it's a relationship.
 81. No one should be exempt from the love of God. NO. ONE.
 82. Moses was in an interracial relationship. Aaron pitched a fit so God plagued him with boils. I don't think God minds "interracial" relationships. Isn't it all just about sun exposure anyway?
 83. I've been reading the Bible for 30 years.....and I'm STILL finding new goodies in this love letter from God.
 84. Once you start coloring your hair, you can never turn back. It's like when Anakin Skywalker was sucked into the dark side by the Sith Lords. And when he finally decided to give in to the Jedi in the end, he just died. If I ever stop coloring my hair, I'll probably just die.
  85. Men NEVER grow out of the Couch Commando stage. Or the fart stage. Or the burp stage. Or the sex stage. Or the scratching odd places in odd places stage. And this is all right with me. It distinguishes them from us....the humans from the apes.....well....
  86. Being Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy is WAY cooler than your parents tell you! And it's the ONE lie that's totally okay.
  87. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I've learned: the first time is a charm.
  88. Vengeance is mine, says the Lord. Romans 12:19. And nobody does vengeance like the King. BUT, in your love for Him, you'll feel pain for the one suffering from the Almighty's vengeance. And you'll pray for them.
  89. Black mold can break the walls, stain your wedding dress, and almost ruin your life. Then it can show you how blessed you are, make you fall on your face before God and say, "Thank You."
  90. Hairspray and a humid bathroom make your hair fall flat. But all things are made well again with eyeliner and mascara.
  91. God does a better job of getting your spouse's attention than you ever could.
  92. Encouragement and support go a longer way than you can imagine.
  93. Adolescent crushes are nothing compared to the love you have for your man.....and it just keeps growing.
  94. 30 isn't too old to break out in acne like you did when you were 13.
  95. Needles are just as scary now as they were 25 years ago.
  96. You're just like your mother. Accept it. Embrace it. Love it.
  97. If you ever decide to do it on a side road, in the car, to spice things up with your spouse, make sure you're not on posted private property.
  98. Carry a gun, but learn to use it first. Also carry a nail file, fingernail clippers, an umbrella, and Band-Aids. It never fails; you'll have to use one of the 5 sooner or later.
  99. Thank God every single day, for every single moment, for every single person, and every single blessing.
 100. Worship, honor, glory, and magnification of the Father is what this life is all what this birthday is all about.

   So I wrap up my twenties having learned these and so much more. I have 10 minutes left of 29 and I'll officially be 30 years old. Those who've gone before me into this uncharted territory have left a legacy and some markers along the way. I must say, I am quite excited about this new journey. It's not just an age. It's not just a number. Here I am with new visions and plans from God. There's so much I'm praying about and so much He's showing me. He has awesomeness up His sleeve for me and for my family, and for our ministry. And I have so much for Him. Who says life ends after your twenties? Heck, life BEGINS after your twenties. I've just been warming up.

 101. Where He leads me, I will go....

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Adventures of BPG: Nontraditional College Student #3

  My first semester is officially over. Done. Gone. Zip. And all I have to show for it are 12 hours and straight A's. "Wait....did you say 'straight A's, Bran?'" Why, yes, as a matter of fact, I did. (She says with a Cheshire Cat grin spreading across her proud face.) I did it. My first semester back to college, with a husband and a kid this time, and Multiple Sclerosis, Jesus and I conquered the Beasts, and made straight A's....and the Dean's List. The crowd goes wild....

Monday, December 19, 2011

Crosby: Short for Bing #3

  The past few days have been a little say the VERY least. Our church Christmas play was Sunday night and Jordan and I have been practicing as well as finishing our Christmas shopping....and helping friends to finish theirs. Actually I have been finishing the Christmas shopping. Hey, it's every woman for herself during Christmas shopping; as a result, every man for himself stays home and out of the way. Bless their hearts. Throughout all of the hustle and bustle, Crosby has been a very busy little elf.
   After school Thursday, Lilli found that the little ape cleaned her bedroom. Now, some of you mothers are
thinking, "Are you flippin' NUTS?!" No, I'm not. Lilli's room stays clean-yes, I know. "Where can I get one of those?!" She rarely has a mess in her room. The playroom? That's another story. Anyway, the only mess she had in her bedroom was her bed. She makes it up, with her thousands of stuffed animals, when she gets home from school and if there are any clothes or toys out she takes care of that, too. Instead, this time Crosby had already taken care of it for her! We then found him sitting on her dresser, in the center of the nativity scene, holding the baby Jesus. PRECIOUS! This was Crosby's subtle reminder of what the Christmas season is really about.

  We had a Christmas party for Jo's office Saturday night, sans kiddos. Lilli, therefore, stayed with the Griffins. And Mommy and Daddy, therefore, got a night free of Crosby duty.
However, I knew that when Lilli got home after church Sunday, she'd be expecting a prize. And boy did she ever. Crosby was joyriding through the kitchen in the pink Barbie VW Bug....with Barbie in the passenger's seat. I didn't get a photo because I was trying to be stealth when I moved Crosby to his next destination: the refrigerator.
  This morning Lilli woke up in my bed. Just because school is out for us doesn't mean work is out for Jordan, although we sure wish it was. It's nice having him home with us. After he left for work this morning, Lilli climbed into our bed with me. We slept late and when we awoke she was on the hunt for Crosby.
  "Where is that elf?" she asked me.
  "I don't know, baby'll just have to look for him," I said with my knowing grin plastered all over my sleepy face.
  She searched high and low; praise God she didn't check the high bookshelf cabinets where I hide the Santa presents! She finally just gave up, defeat written all over her adorable face.
  "Maybe he's still gone to the North Pole, Momma. Yeah....that's gotta be where he is." She was confused and her crinkled little brow told me how frustrated and worried she was about her new little friend. Like any momma would do, I gave fate a little push.
  "Are you thirsty? You want some juice?"
  At this point she was standing right in front of the fridge.
  She opened the fridge and her little face lit up like a firefly. "MOMMA!!!!! He's drinking my eggnog!!!"
   Crosby had helped himself to a glass, er, the whole pint, of Mayfield's eggnog. Oh, well. As I always say about Mayfield's eggnog, " 'Tis the season to be jiggly!"

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Crosby: Short for Bing #2

  Last night I spent my evening helping out my friend Natima with a project for her son Hank's class at his little school. See, when one obtains a creative friend, one must use said friend to her advantage. Be it for free stuff or just the artist's creative prowess, it does not matter. So long as she uses her. Er, I'm talking about Natima getting all the free artsy crap outta me that she can possibly receive until I finally die. Ah, 'tis the life of the struggling artist. She knows I don't mind, but she is also overly grateful for being allowed onto the incredibly short list of friends and family who get freebies and discounts from Lilli's Painted Trees . Due to the creativity overload, my brain was yet again reduced to mush. Therefore, Crosby left a note last night instead of chaos. This went over very well with Lil because she specifically said, "I wish he'd leave me a note...." So, he did.
Please ignore flour mess and Mason jars in background. Thanks-Mgmt.
                                 The letter read: "Dear Lilli, Thank you so much for adopting me! I love your home and your family! You're being very good! Keep up the good work! *Santa* is very impressed and happy with you! Remember: I'm always watching you! Love, Crosby." She was a tad bit overjoyed this morning and, again, couldn't wait to get to school to tell her buddies. And it meant so much to her that he loved our home.
   When I went to eat lunch with her today she handed me a tiny colored picture. "Mom, it's a card for Crosby. I want him to know I love him. Will you give it to him?" She is SO stinkin' precious! She had colored a reindeer on the front of it and had written a message in her tiny second grade handwriting on the inside: "I hope you have a good Christmas with Santa Claus and your elf friends. Love, Lilli, Brandi, and Jordan. P.S.--> Do not get in the laundry again!" Then on the next page she wrote: "Merry Christmas Crosby! Love you!" And she really does love that little elf. She asks about him first thing every morning and first thing when she gets home school. I can't WAIT for her to see what he's going to do tonight....



Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Crosby: Short for Bing

   The Griffin Clan has started a new Christmas tradition this year: Elf on the Shelf. Lilli's little buddies at school are doing the activity. She comes home talking about it all the time with visions of chaos that can't be blamed on her dancing in her little glittery head. Naturally, like all amazing parents, Jordy and I purchased an elf for adoption.
   I was a little late this year; it's my understanding that the elf comes to your home from the North Pole on December 1st. Well, that part's not in the book that I read when I purchased this creepy little guy on December 11th.....unless my MS brain just forgot it....and we'll go with that for now.
   I bought the new little Christmas family member for Bug and she named him Snowy. Snowy? "Lil, baby....let's work on that," I said. She was persistent. "But I want him to be SNOWY! If he is, it'll snow this year!" She said, very adamantly. "Well, we can find a snow themed name...." So I thought. Praise God for Sunny 92.3 radio station! "White Christmas" came on the radio while I was in deep thought and driving us home from Mimi's house. "What about White Christmas, Momma?" She said and proceeded to try it out: " 'Hey, White Christmas! How's it going?' That's not cute." And so she thought some more. I could hear her hamster wheel squeaking when I said, "What about Bing for Bing Crosby?" I mean, HELLO! Who doesn't think about Bing Crosby, snow, and Christmas all at the same time? "CROSBY, Momma!!! His name is Crosby Griffin!" So Crosby Griffin the Elf on the Shelf it is.

  I love my kid. She knows how to name an elf. I might let her name the next kid. (Hope her first thought isn't something like, Tree.)
      Now that we have Crosby, Thing 1 and Thing 2 (Jordan and I) must come up with ideas for this little guy in order to bribe our child to behave. (As if that's very hard-she's kinda perfect.) For those of you who are unfamiliar with Elf on the Shelf, allow me to give you a synopsis: Your family adopts an elf who shows up every year for Christmas. He works for Santa at the Pole, and basically, he's Santa's eyes and ears for kids all over the world. Your new little adoptee comes to live with your family and keeps tabs on your child's (children's) behavior for Ole St. Nick. In the night, while your little dumpling is fast asleep, Mr. Elf makes a quick trip to the N.P. to give the Fat Boy the behavior report for the day. He comes back to your house and has a little fun while you're all asleep....'scuse me, while the munchkin is asleep and you're staying up all night, every night, to make a mess......that you will have to clean up. Ah, but it's SO worth it when you see the glow in that sweet baby's face-so if you're a "good" parent you'll DO IT! On Christmas Eve the elf heads back to the N.P. (or a dark closet) only to return NEXT year. Pretty cute, huh?
The first night Crosby spent at Griffin Manor he went our toilet.  Crosby apparently didn't have his Fly Rod 2000 on hand. He, therefore, made do with a candy cane from our Christmas tree and some of my ornament string. Nice, Crosby. Of course there are no fish in Booty Pond, so he also helped himself to some of the Goldfish in the pantry. They were everywhere: on Lilli's nightstand, on her dresser, on the bookshelves in the hall, on the bathroom counter, and of course, the toilet. As you can see he used blue food coloring to give the toilet water a more deep-sea-adventure feel. You little rascal, you! 
   Lilli flipped out when she saw him there, perched on the back of the porcelain throne as if he owned the joint. Her screech of "EEEEWWWWW" was enough satisfaction for Jordan and me. We knew immediately that our new tradition was a great idea! 

   Sunday night was shot night so I was pretty much toasted the rest of the night. (For those unfamiliar with the MS shot, it causes flu-like symptoms.) Therefore, Crosby remained at his toilet post for the evening. Lil was disappointed when she awoke this morning, so I knew I had to do something for her arrival home from school this afternoon.  I ran to school to pick her up and as we walked through the door to the house, this is what we found: Lilli's undies covering our Christmas tree. (Sorry, friends. I just can't bring myself to post a pic of my child's underwear on a public blog. But yes: undies EVERYWHERE.)  She completely bypassed the tree, totally unaware of what had taken place. I had to act quickly; I pulled out my very best Meryl Streep: "Oh, my GOSH!!! My TREE!!!!!" I stood in the doorway and dropped everything that was in my hands and froze. What a performance! And the Oscar goes toooooo.........BRANDI GRIFFIN for best portrayal of Overly-Excited-and-Surprised-Elf-on-the-Shelf-Disaster-Mom!!! The crowd. Goes. Wild. 
   Lilli's face was priceless. PRICELESS. Her eyes were the size of dinner platters. They sparkled in the tree light as she spotted Crosby: head first in the clean laundry pile. She burst into laughter and shouted, "Wait till my friends hear about THIS one!!!" 
   Take a bow, Mom. You have succeeded again. I hugged her and kissed her, happy that she was happy. 
   As for the rest of the Elf ideas, I will post every single one we get along with pics. Feel free to borrow some ideas and check back tomorrow for the next post! We're all excited here at Griffin Manor to see what lil' Crosby will get into next! Now....who wants to fold my laundry?