The BIG 3-0....May God help me....

   Tomorrow, December 28, 2011, I will be 30 years old. This is it: the last night of my twenties. It's weird. I thought it would be I'd grow sparkly wings or something. Okay, seriously, I didn't think I'd grow wings or any other extra appendages, but I did figure something amazing would happen....a revelation, a moment of poignancy that would change me as a person, a glow....a ding!.....something.....ANYTHING???
   Waiting. Waiting...............Waaaaaiiiiting..........
    TA-DA! It hit. But not the way I thought it would.
    I took my grandmother to her primary care doctor today; on the way to pick her up from my parents' house, I realized that tomorrow is my birthday. It's already here. That was fast.
   I asked for all of this Harry Potter stuff and that was pretty much it. (And some MAC, but that goes without saying.) I mentioned a birthday party, but I don't know what purpose that would serve if it's not someone else's idea, so I shoved that aside. In the end, I just told Jordy, "Time with my family is what will make me happy. Just give me that and I'm good to go." And I meant every word. And I think that's all I really meant by the term "party" anyway. But this is the the "big one," isn't it? The Year of the Dirty Thirty, as my friend Natima calls it. The Beginning of the End, as Keri Leigh calls it. Shouldn't I be celebrating HUGE? Shouldn't we all just drop what we're doing for moi's special day? Um,, Bran. We shouldn't. But.....why not?
   This is where, how, and when it all hit: This day, this week, this month, this year, this life, is not about me. It's about God. It's about what He's done through me and to me over the past 30 years. It's about His glory, His power, and His life for me.
   There's my revelation. There's my moment of poignancy. There's my glow. Ding!
   I have been through some crazy ups and some freaky downs. I've learned so much in 30 years, however, it's not a drop in the bucket compared to what God is continuing to reveal to me even in this very moment. And I hopefully have a good 30x3 more in my bucket of goodies from my ever giving and blessing Father. In just a couple of minutes I was able to compile a list of "learns,"  "aha's,"  "Momma told me so's,"  and  "oh, craps." And in just a couple of minutes I realized that my Big 3-0 birthday was going to be the best birthday ever, regardless of recognition, regardless of presents, regardless of me.
   In no particular order, just how it came to me, is my it ever growing. Please bear in mind that I skip around through ages....I might've been 16 when one lesson was learned, I might've been 27 in the next, I might have been 4 in the next. Not everything mentioned happened directly to me; in some instances I was observing. Either way, I learned something. Go with it and maybe you can learn something, too. 

  1. Why lay in the sunbed for 20 minutes when one hasn't been all year long? FAIL. Why lay in the sunbed at all?
  2. Frogs will die if you throw them into the air repeatedly.......and catch them in a box.
  3. A cup on the edge of a table equals a slick, sticky floor.
  4. Breastfeeding is flippin' awesome!
  5. I won't be eating peanut butter the next time I get pregnant.
  6. Praying for God to remove my "feelings" from boyfriends long ago was a GREAT idea.......would've been       greater if I had listened to my heart when I grew bored of Mr. Wrongsky.
  7. Mascara on a 6th grader is a no-go unless she's in a dance recital.
  8. Never shave before going out to the ocean. Never shave when it snows. And most importantly, never shave before a pap-smear. The pelvic exam goes without saying.
  9.When you point to each other and in perfect harmony say, "HE/SHE did it" you're BOTH going down.
 10.NEVER put your hands on your butt when the paddle is headed toward it.
 11. PBR, the brother, and Jordan do NOT mix. Although, they do make for some great dating memories.
 12. The Chattahoochee by Alan Jackson is the best song in the world to play Name That Tune with!
 13. Giving birth hurts. A lot. In fact, it hurts worse than your mother could ever describe to you.
 14. I'd give birth again in a heartbeat.
 15. A disease or handicap NEVER defines a person. I now see this from a whole different perspective.
 16. Projectors, carpet and pew color, committees and business meetings do not a church body make.
 17. Jobs never last.
 18. God is always moving, but never changing. He's kinda REALLY awesome like that. Psalm 102:25-27
 19. Some people just aren't meant to live forever on this earth with me. I'm still learning to accept this one.
 20. Money doesn't buy happiness. Come to think of it, it doesn't buy class either. I learned this the hard way with my high expectations of some wealthier acquaintances. Just throwin' that out there. 
 21. Those who write, write. Those who don't will steal your crap so prioritize and privatize!
 22. The book is always better than the movie.
 23. Marriages don't seem to last as long as they once did: forever. So I look to my parents' and my in-laws' as examples of what a real marriage is all about. (30 years a piece and still going strong.)  Jo and I build on that and the blessings from our Father so that our marriage will last forever. Our faith remains in Him that gave us this precious gift. 
 24. (I'm saying this because I can, dang it.) Sex has got to be the BEST thing God EVER created for the husband and wife team. He was having an exceptional day when He came up with that idea. Thank You, Lord!
 25. Fried chicken is the next best thing.
 26. Turning 30 brings a whole new life to one who's rapidly approaching it. For instance, life without a gall bladder. Now I poop every time I eat something Southern and deep fried, dang it.
 27. Most people said my butt would start to fall after 25. They were wrong. I don't foresee them being proven correct, either. EVER. Everything else, however, is migrating south....for all seasons....forever.
 28.Plastic surgery on the face: just, no.
 29. Wanna make God giggle with pleasure? Tell Him all about the plans you have for your little life. I guarantee they don't match up with His. Jeremiah 29:11 "*I* know the plans *I* have for you." I think it's probably wise to just, ya know, go with that.
 30. It's so much easier to do what God says the first time.
 31. Being drunk is not as great as it looks on TV. (One time, people. ONE. TIME.)
 32. Saying goodbye can sometimes be good. Other times, it's too hard for words.
 33. Friends come and friends go, but best friends are forever.Proverbs 18:24
 34. My momma and daddy were ALWAYS right......about everyTHING, and everyONE.
 35. If you dream it, if you feel it in your heart, if you ask it, He'll make it happen. John 14:14
 36. Weed eating a ditch is more difficult than it looks.
 37. Fender benders scare the absolute crap outta me.
 38. Staying up late is no longer as easy as it was in the third grade. Neither is doing a cartwheel. If it's been 15 years since you've done a cartwheel, you probably shouldn't try it in your living room floor.
 39. Throwing up seafood is worse than throwing up anything else in the entire universe.
 40. Texting, Facebooking, Tweeting, and of course, emailing, are never good ways to tell someone off, end a relationship, or give your opinion.
 41. Don't talk about others, good or bad, in a small town. Your life will come to an abrupt halt.
 42. Fighting over a seat is never good.
 43. Telling off your boss is never good.
 44. Kissing a boy who uses tobacco products of any kind is never good.....even if he's a gentleman and digs it out of his jaw first.
 45. Running away to college to leave the place you know in your heart of hearts you love more than your own life will only make you want to return even more.
 46. Face your fears. They're not that big after all. 2nd Timothy 1:7
 47. Fat chicks do not want to hear, "Have you lost weight?" every stinkin' time you see them. They know they've put on some poundage; your reminder doesn't help them in their never ending search of a healthy body image.
 48. You can cheat on your diet, but you're really just cheating on yourself.
 49. Never fan the covers after your husband farts. It just spreads the "love" all around the room. 
 50. Allow your husband to be "the man" in the marriage no matter how big your personality is. Proverbs 25:24
 51. It may feel really good at the time, but being mean to someone who's been a real jerk to you won't make the situation any better. Just kill 'em with kindness, as my Granny Stella always said. Proverbs 25: 21-22
 52. Gay men make great friends....until you get on one's bad side. Always trust your Gaydar; if it walks like a gay man, if it talks all hours of the night with you on the phone like a gay man, if it's more stylish than you like a gay man, IF HE KISSES LIKE A GAY MAN, he probably wants to date your brother.
 53.Competition isn't worth the energy you waste trying to win. Move on. You're an adult now and even better, everyone's gifts are different.
 54. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again....if you screw it up the second time, don't quit your day job.
 55.Ya can't win 'em all, Bran. And you can't always be the best.
 56. Perfection I am not.
 57. Lack of perfection can never be an excuse to not do your best in your walk with Jesus. We walk on water WITH Him, not by ourselves.
 58. Don't trust computers.
 59. It's so flippin' cool to be a Star Wars, Indiana Jones, and Harry Potter nerd. It's so flippin' cool to be a book nerd. It's so flippin' cool to be a nerd.
 60. If you're gonna give your political opinions, be prepared to back them up....and know just how passionate the opposing side may be. In other words, for your MS' sake, just stay quiet before you hurt someone with your cane.
 61.Cartoons will never be as awesome as they were in the 80s.
 62. Buying a cane and having to use it isn't that bad. Fat Girl falling is more of a blow to my pride that pimpin' a grandma cane.
 63. Some dreams aren't meant to be, so God replaces our heart's desire with HIS heart's desire. The old dreams pass away and the new ones take flight. I guess I'm getting wings for my birthday after all.
 64. A return to college can be intimidating for the "nontraditional" woman.....until she realizes what God is doing through her and to her with such a leap.
 65. Getting straight A's feels incredible. And they look great on the fridge, too.
 66. Glitter makes everything pretty. Glitter makes everything happy. Glitter makes everything better. Glitter also makes non-crafty people feel crafty. Glitter: the herpes of craft supplies. The gift that keeps on giving.
 67. When the world is caving in around me, God never fails to swoop in, my own personal super hero, and save the day.
 68. Birth control pills are for the birds.
 69. I've given birth, therefore, I can conquer the world....and pleurisy....and MS....and Algebra.....and definitely any other ailment.
 70. Giving feels way better than receiving.
 71. Leading our sweet baby to Jesus was quite possibly the most humbling and trusting experience I've had these 30 years.
 72. Take pictures and record EVERYTHING in the life of your marriage and your child.
 73. I'm not good with death; I never have been. Last year, a friend of mine suffered a great loss, far beyond anything I could ever fathom going through myself. Through it, she taught me to just listen. Be there, listen, and most of all love.
 74. Death is painful, but can also be beautiful.
 75. There's always someone higher up. And yes, big bully boss man, there's a Someone higher than you, too.
 76. Having a brother made life more interesting than not. I discovered it's okay for Barbie to marry short man GI Joe, that kid brothers can not only eat dog food and survive, but fit into the dryer....with the door closed, that taking up for yourself results in a whipping for both parties, the floor beside your bed is made for late night brother-sister talks, and the bond shared between the two can never be broken.
 77. I am so blessed to make it to 30. MS and all.
 78. The relationship with the daddy makes all the difference. Moreover, the relationship with the Father makes the real difference.
 79. Church attendance doesn't make you a Christian.
 80. Being a Christian isn't a religion, it's a relationship.
 81. No one should be exempt from the love of God. NO. ONE.
 82. Moses was in an interracial relationship. Aaron pitched a fit so God plagued him with boils. I don't think God minds "interracial" relationships. Isn't it all just about sun exposure anyway?
 83. I've been reading the Bible for 30 years.....and I'm STILL finding new goodies in this love letter from God.
 84. Once you start coloring your hair, you can never turn back. It's like when Anakin Skywalker was sucked into the dark side by the Sith Lords. And when he finally decided to give in to the Jedi in the end, he just died. If I ever stop coloring my hair, I'll probably just die.
  85. Men NEVER grow out of the Couch Commando stage. Or the fart stage. Or the burp stage. Or the sex stage. Or the scratching odd places in odd places stage. And this is all right with me. It distinguishes them from us....the humans from the apes.....well....
  86. Being Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy is WAY cooler than your parents tell you! And it's the ONE lie that's totally okay.
  87. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I've learned: the first time is a charm.
  88. Vengeance is mine, says the Lord. Romans 12:19. And nobody does vengeance like the King. BUT, in your love for Him, you'll feel pain for the one suffering from the Almighty's vengeance. And you'll pray for them.
  89. Black mold can break the walls, stain your wedding dress, and almost ruin your life. Then it can show you how blessed you are, make you fall on your face before God and say, "Thank You."
  90. Hairspray and a humid bathroom make your hair fall flat. But all things are made well again with eyeliner and mascara.
  91. God does a better job of getting your spouse's attention than you ever could.
  92. Encouragement and support go a longer way than you can imagine.
  93. Adolescent crushes are nothing compared to the love you have for your man.....and it just keeps growing.
  94. 30 isn't too old to break out in acne like you did when you were 13.
  95. Needles are just as scary now as they were 25 years ago.
  96. You're just like your mother. Accept it. Embrace it. Love it.
  97. If you ever decide to do it on a side road, in the car, to spice things up with your spouse, make sure you're not on posted private property.
  98. Carry a gun, but learn to use it first. Also carry a nail file, fingernail clippers, an umbrella, and Band-Aids. It never fails; you'll have to use one of the 5 sooner or later.
  99. Thank God every single day, for every single moment, for every single person, and every single blessing.
 100. Worship, honor, glory, and magnification of the Father is what this life is all what this birthday is all about.

   So I wrap up my twenties having learned these and so much more. I have 10 minutes left of 29 and I'll officially be 30 years old. Those who've gone before me into this uncharted territory have left a legacy and some markers along the way. I must say, I am quite excited about this new journey. It's not just an age. It's not just a number. Here I am with new visions and plans from God. There's so much I'm praying about and so much He's showing me. He has awesomeness up His sleeve for me and for my family, and for our ministry. And I have so much for Him. Who says life ends after your twenties? Heck, life BEGINS after your twenties. I've just been warming up.

 101. Where He leads me, I will go....


  1. That's great! I really enjoyed reading that, and I agree with so much of it! I shouldn't have read this at work though because I kept bursting out into laughter. :-) Happy birthday!

  2. HAHAHA!!! Thank you so much, Misty! I hope your Christmas was fabulous! Give that sweet little angel a kiss for me!!! ;)


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