Away with the Censors

  The other day Jordan asked me, "You didn't really write that did you? Are you kidding me?! We're gonna hear about this...." all in response to something I wrote in the Book blog. Well, I'm here to set the record straight about things I write, and yes, I have my husband's full support on this.
   This blog is not only a place for me to write, it's a place for me to create. It's my art sanctuary, where I worship and glorify my Creator and the ultimate Artist, God. I write what I think, what I feel, what I CREATE. And I share it. It's for inspiration, laughs, aha moments, tears, and whatever else the reader may get out of it. Once someone said to me, "You can't write that. I don't want to hear that." My answer then was, "Okay, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you. I'll take it down." (record scratch) Wanna know another thing I've learned in my 30 years on this terrestrial ball? It's not about YOU. Come to think of it, it's not about ME either. It's about GOD. You know. That "big guy upstairs" who directs everything? And by the way, I loathe it when people say "the big guy upstairs"-like He doesn't come down to us and sit with us. No, He's the Ultimate One that lives in my heart. He's what makes my blood pump, literally and figuratively. He's my song, my voice, my words, my ART. And HE directs this blog. Therefore, I will NOT censor my words from Him.
   No, I'm not going to start using profanity and bash people on my blog; I'm not going to be crass or inappropriate. That's not at all what I'm saying. I'm saying, when God gives me something, I'm going with it. Whether it bothers you or not. If His words offend you, I hope you're not reading the Bible, because that stuff is far more harsh and  frank than anything I'll ever say.
   For instance, I got a complaint in reference to the "30" post in which I had written very briefly about sex. I have one question: How is it okay for Solomon, in all of his splendor, to write a whole dang book of the Word about sex and love with his clearly very hot wife? Solomon isn't the only one who mentions sex in the Bible, and his book is not the only place it's mentioned. The Bible is the Word of God; it came from Him. Everything for, against, or about sex in any form or fashion is straight from Him. Let's forget about the Almighty for a second (figuratively) and bring it down on our pea-brained human level: How is it okay that Dr. Daniel Akin wrote a book about sex entitled God on Sex, and he's STILL the president of Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary? Yes, I've read the book and my favorite part is the first paragraph:
        Sex was God's idea. Yes, I know this is hard to believe, but God is the one who came up with this 
        fantastic idea and I believe He was having a really good day when He did!  Sex was God's idea 
        and He gave it to us for pleasure and procreation. God is pro-sex. He believes in it. He is for it.
   I rest my case.
   This blog is not to make anyone comfortable. Then again, that's not exactly how God works, is it? If I'm going to allow God to use me, I can't very well worry about comfort levels.
   I can't tell you how many times God has made me uncomfortable; He's doing it now. Lack of comfort molds us and shapes us into what HE wants us to be. Growing in Him is painful at times. And uncomfortable. The pain is the chipping away of anything non-Jesus about us by the Master.
   My blog is not the Bible; it's nowhere near that awesome. In fact, it sucks in comparison. My mission for my blog is this: to pull you out of that religious, handicapped, housewife, working mom, single gal, single guy, struggling husband, nerdy, jocky, mold that you've put yourself into and help you see that you're so much more. Why do you think I reference the Word so much? It's to help you see the impossible in your own life. I take everything in my own life, as insignificant as it is, and refer back to my Love Letter from God to show you what God can do through you if you'll only move over and allow Him. (And I'm STILL learning to move over and allow Him!) It's to open all of those love, fear, pain, sorrow, art, humor, and most of all, Christ-holes so He can work in you. It's to involve you in the journey I'm personally on--to make you a part of all of the many things I'm learning every single day through Him. It's to somehow pass on the blessings from Him. And yes! Sex is one of those blessings! So is art, children, falling in the mud in a brand new outfit, job loss, death, birth, bankruptcy, college, sickness, and so many more! So, no. I will not be censoring anything I write. My job, and my honor, is to pass Jesus on to others: ALL OF HIM. NONE of me. God has given us so much to be thankful for and so much to enjoy. Don't miss out on it because of so called conservatism. No, my blog is not going to be a sex blog and I will NEVER give intimate details about it; but if I mention it, it will be generalized, tactful and appropriate, and once in a blue moon. I may be a fan, just like God is, but I just as God intended for it to be, it's private and will remain such. So don't start freakin' out.
   Jesus was a rogue of sorts. He came to do His Father's will and to do it to the fullest. He spoke out against legalism and politics in the church body; he challenged mediocrity, asking His followers, "Will you give it all up for me? Will you follow me? Will you put yourselves last for the good of my kingdom and above all, my Father?" He came to spread the message of God's love, not His never ending list of do's and don'ts. I have to ask myself daily, "Will you give it all up for Him? Will you follow Him? Will you put yourself last for His glory? Well.....will you?"
   Yes. I'm not always perfect at doing it; right now I'm struggling with some spiritual testing that I never in a million years thought I'd have to struggle with. And it's taking its toll on me. Yesterday I yelled at God. I told Him how angry I was with Him. In my pain I actually asked Him if what I was going through was entertainment for Him. I told Him I felt like a toy. Then I questioned Him. He already knows my heart, guys. It's not like vocalizing it was a big surprise to Him. If I can't be honest with my Creator, who can I be honest with?
   And He waited. And He listened. And I felt His power in me, sitting in my bedroom, like I haven't in a long time. And I fell to the floor on my face, begging for forgiveness, mercy, and love at His feet where I felt Him holding me. I pleaded with Him about my battle. I asked Him to remove it, to heal it, and to separate from my family and me. Then I thanked Him. I thanked Him for this pain that resonates so deeply into the pit of my soul that at times my body feels like it's going to cave in and swallow itself until there is absolutely nothing left of me. This is when the Holy Spirit interceded for me....with groanings that can't even be uttered. (Romans 8:26) He knows my pain better than I do and on a much deeper leve. I thanked Him for putting so much time and effort into me because this battle is clearly spiritual and is showing my family and me something new every single day we push through it. I thanked Him for the outcome. And I thanked Him for His will.
   Writing can be, well, weird at times. In fact, most of my work comes to me when I'm at my most vulnerable: usually when I'm incredibly happy, incredibly sad, or in the middle of the night when I've had no sleep. God uses that emotion (and yes, it's there at 2am) to say what He needs to say through me. He talks, I write. Now do you see why I can't censor anything?
   As always, there are a few critics here and there. Either they don't like what I write because it offends them, or they don't like how I write-they don't think it's "art," or Christian, or even "good."  In the end, I answer to only One when it comes to the question: "am I doing the "write" thing?" 


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